Scrabble, Scrabble
a tale by bori/sam
Part I - MJ
It was a dark and ominous day. MJ woke with a startle from the sounds of wildebeests outside going “Gnu! Gnu!” He walked out to the balcony and yelled out to the wild wildebeests “Oie! Do you have a virus in your brain or something?” The wildebeests turned around and yelled back “Quit it you Turd!” MJ was shocked. He thought to himself, “A talking wildebeest? What is up with the world?”
Michael went about his morning “business”, as he was thinking about what he should eat for breakfast. He sang to himself “do re me fa so la ti do!” MJ paced around the room as he sang to himself and did his “business” also known as working with one hand. Just as he was about to finish his “business” his chef knocked on the door and yelled, “Hey Michael, I know you’re about to come downstairs, but I just wanted to let you know, the Turnip Nazi is here to see you!” Thoughts of the Turnip Nazi started slipping back into his mind. The Turnip Nazi was also know as the “Fallen Farmer” or the “Kip Turd”, no body knew his real name. Some say he eats quails for breakfast, and takes their eggs in as his own, there are also some who say he took a vow of no-silence, but all we know is he’s called the Turnip Nazi.
With a long sigh, Michael decided to get dressed and go deal with the arrival of the mysterious Turnip Nazi. Michael glanced at his hoard of hay he had stashed beside his bed. He knew that the Turnip Nazi was after this, after making an unsuccessful bid for it on eBay under the username “HO”. But he just let the thought pass through his mind. As Michael was getting dressed, the sun began to rise, and the “Gnu Gnu”-ing of the wildebeests roaming outside his window began to die down. Michael opened the 2 story door of his bedroom with the press of a button. As he opened the door, a huge ice cream cone was standing in the doorway. “Hi there, people call me the Turnip Nazi”
Without a thought, Michael threw a punch at the huge ice cream cone. With that punch, Michael became a murderer. As the Turnip Nazi took his last breath, he yelled out “TAXONY!” Right as he yelled this random phrase, his sidekick jumped in from the window. It was the wildebeest that was seemingly innocently roaming outside of MJ’s window. “Hi, I am a talking wildebeest,” was the last thing that Michael Jordan heard.
Part II - Taxony
It was a dark and ominous day. Taxony was up early due to the role he has been playing for his African wildebeest tribe which was inappropriately named “Honey tree tappers.” This was partly because wildebeests have no interest in honey, or trees, and the fact that you don’t get honey from trees. Taxony was much more into eating hay, and being a sidekick to his fearless leader, the Turnip Nazi. For as long as he remembered, Taxony has been sidekick to the Turnip Nazi. As he was thinking about the Turnip Nazi, he couldn’t help but to get a little excited, he started making noises “Gnu! Gnu!”
Taxony continued on making noises, and thinking of the Turnip Nazi, when suddenly seemingly out of nowhere, a man who was also a woman, a black who was also a white, who also seemed to walk backwards as well as forwards at the same time shouted out “Oie! Do you have a virus in your brain or something?” Taxony thought to himself, “What is this thing? Is it human?” and concluded that it was a Turd and yelled back “Quit it you Turd!” With that, the Turd shut it’s mouth.
A few minutes later, Taxony ran into his friend, Jong Bok. Jong Bok was also a wildebeest, but a weird one at that. He liked to cite random books and authors. But today he just stayed silent. With a “Gnu Gnu”, Jong Bok was off again and roamed off into the sunrise.
Staring into the sunrise, Taxony saw what looked like a silhouette of a huge ice cream cone walking towards him. With that, he cleaned up the mess he made, and stood perfectly still. He knew this was the Turnip Nazi. The Turnip Nazi was known for dressing in outrageous costumes, today was no different. But what Taxony never understood is why the Turnip Nazi never dressed up as a turnip, or a Nazi. Which made the Turnip Nazi even more mysterious.
After what felt like a lifetime, the Turnip Nazi finally waddled to a halt in front of Taxony. “Here’s the Deal. I’m going to walk into Michael Jordan’s house, and steal all his hay. If anything is to happen to me. Kill him. Put him in this net, and trade his body for some honey. I have a getaway wagon parked around the corner. Watch out for his Chef, he is some serious business.” With that, the Turnip Nazi waddled off again, this time towards the big rock that was actually a house.
Taxony did not understand a word that the Turnip Nazi had just said. And how he would pull off any of the nonsense the Turnip Nazi had just mentioned.Not like he had power to veto the decisions that the Turnip Nazi makes any ways. So he decided to bask in the sunlight for a bit. All the while he listened to Jong Bok Gnu Gnu-ing into the distance.
“TAXONY!” shouted the Turnip Nazi from the big rock that was actually a house. Taxony knew that the Fallen Farmer was in trouble. He rushed to the big rock that was actually a house as fast as he could, as fast as his four legs would take him. Thoughts of the training Jong Bok gave him flooded his head. “Feel no pain, Stay well Fed, Run fast, Kick hard.” With that, Taxony smashed through the big rock that was actually a house and saw the half man half woman, half black half white standing under a grand arch walking backwards and forwards at the same time, and the Turnip Nazi lying on the floor, dead. “Hi, I’m a talking wildebeest.” With all the force that his wildebeest body could produce, he kicked the half man half woman, half black half white. And with that kick, Taxony became a murderer.
“I saw that” said the Chef.
Part III - The Chef
To be Continued…
OK, so that’s the story. If you want your own copy, here’s a link to download:
This is a competition between Wendy (story here) and I to see who can write a better story with the words we came up with in scrabble (scrabble board here), so please VOTE for which story you think is better.
Remember to vote for either mine or wendy’s (here again) To vote, simply leave a comment on WENDY’S post, with a vote for either MY story or her story.
